Friday, 10 June 2016

REALationships and all that shit #feelingmyself

Bubbling, bubbling, bubbling.

Note: Best to sit down with a cup of tea/your favourite snack and let this sink in.


So, after watching seasons on seasons of Sex and the City, I got to thinking about relationships and connections. Squiggly pathways and this peculiar thing we call love.
Being seventeen going on eighteen (yessiree I'm sooo channeling Leisl from The Sound of Music) I realised that I am beginning something intense that I will experience forever. A connection with someone. Myself. Also, maybe with a lot of someone's in my life. Each person that I meet and fall in love with - will forever carry a part of me that I etched into them.

Now, here's the real shit. Our world today revolves around love. Songs, movies, books, short films. Humans want to be loved and accepted. That's the way it has been since the beginning of time. A yearning to have an unbreakable bond with someone. And believe me, being seventeen doesn't change the fact that I feel that yearning.

But what it took me a long time to understand was that I needed to build a relationship with myself first.

Let me ask you this. In this bustling, bustling world - where everyone is always rushing to get to their jobs, to get to appointments, and to get to the next steps in their life, do we ever really get time to look at ourselves and reflect? Do we ever get to acknowledge/appreciate the weird little traits about ourselves? For instance:

1. I love avocados.
2. I have a tendency to drink juice with a spoon.
3. I care deeply about the special people in my life.
4. I will never stop fighting for a career that I want. A career that challenges me. work on this part.
5. I have a very selective and interesting memory. Dates, songs, life-changing memories are things that I will never forget.

It took me a long time to be able to answer that question. I knew that there were some considerable parts about myself that I liked... but I became so caught up in being some else. Someone that did everything to please others, that began to stoop as low as believe the negativity of others. I repeatedly thought that me in all my craziness wasn't enough. I stopped believing. In myself. I MEAN WTF?

After feeling like I was so over this 'doom and gloom' attitude, after weeks of exams, and listening to people trying to decipher my future, I had had enough. There was a buzzing in me. I felt like I needed to start pursuing passions of mine. For me, that was the only way I could truly live. ACTING, writing, starting up a youtube. I felt this manifestation of art, thoughts and mischievous comments that I needed to explore. Believe me when I say, when you listen to what you need and what you want,  your life will change. Drastically. 


You gotta realise how important your life is. Off days happen. Yes, sometimes you can feel like shit. Because maybe, someone rejected you or someone said something about you behind your back - but that's fucking life. Get off your phone, as social media isn't the most fulfilling thing (whilst it can be a useful tool). Fill yourself up with knowledge. Read. Travel. Laugh. It's time to stop the what if's and I can't do this. Blah blah blah. Life is just too short.

For once in my life, I got lost in myself and my internal conversations. 
So, I walked around my city. I breathed in the muggy air that 3pm produced. I bought myself a coffee. I dressed up for myself that day, knee high socks with a lip colour to shock. Not forgetting the trench coat or my PINK addidas superstars, thank you very much. I spent a day planning next steps for my career. 

There is a magic in loving yourself. 
NO matter who you are, or what you do - when you begin to realise that you have so many things going for you,
 a mind that whirs like a never ending clock, 
a body that heals itself just for YOU 
a smile that will make someone's stomach go tingly -
then you might begin to fine tune to this reality. Of beginning to recognise you and all your awesomeness

Looking in the mirror at your reflection won't do it. Your body is the shell of your soul. 
Take pleasure in enriching yourself. You have the power to experience what this world has to offer. 

This life is great. The colours will shock you, the emotions can flood you. Some days you will not want to get out of bed, many days that can be me when its 6am, and all I want to do is sleep through the seasons.


As a young, somewhat well known gal-pal living in this crazy world, I leave myself no choice but to go & work my ass off to get to where I want to be, to challenge myself, and most importantly, 
to love myself.

PS. I'm back with the blogging thing. My posts will not be always this preachy, but I just felt like someone needed to address the elephant in the room. Get up and get shaking, and laughing and working. Once or thrice a week, I will be posting little interesting things. My favourite makeup, updating you on what is about to happen in my life, outings, goals and aspirations. Music. Gossip etc. Stay tuned. Here, I leave you with my favourite song at the moment and a sappy mantra quote of mine.

Apply your own REALationship. Go a week with these positive thoughts. Be open to spontaneity and experience. It's okay to go alone sometimes. You've got this. 
You can thank me later.

Indy, the dancing queen. x

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