Sunday, 27 July 2014

What is Love?

Love. The biggest and scariest emotion in the whole entire world. A society built around the simplest of emotion. We live for it, we breathe it. It's the most powerful emotion, over everything. It's sung about, written about, people die for it, it surrounds our world and courses through our veins as humans. But what is it? I've been asked this many times. What is love? How do you know when you're in love? Is there any particular feeling? When do you know that you are in love?

Love isn't something you can define. It isn't a perfectly worded answer in the dictionary, scripted to make you understand what the meaning is - in completion. 
Everyone's definition or understanding of this feeling is completely different. 

I asked one of my friends what they thought love was, and this was the answer I got. "Love is something that takes you by surprise. It's not something you can make yourself feel. Love is something that makes you feel an indescribable feeling. It's not like loving chocolates or loving a dress. You only love that temporarily. It brings everlasting joy."

And this is my definition.

I don't actually believe that love is that deep. I think that it's a simple emotion, a very beautiful and selfless one. I think that it's the humans and the circumstances that make this emotion complicated, prejudiced and difficult. I'm not a human that is going to glorify love. Every book or movie I have watched portrays the same acceptance speech of love, that it is endless and that they love everything about that person. But that's not real.

Real love is work. After being with someone for the longest of times, you start to catch their flaws. It's work, and it's hard. Love to me isn't always talking every day or them accepting you. They are parts of it, but love isn't a choice. It's when you're yelling at the tops of your lungs and they yell back at you to remind you of who you are, and that you aren't always right. It's the electric-ness you feel when you see their eyes light up when they are talking about what makes them happy, their passion. Listening to stupid theories of the universe, or mindless banter. 

"A realistic relationship is when two people, accept each other's past, support each other's present, and love each other enough to encourage each other's future. So don't rush love. Find a partner who encourages you to grow, who won't cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back. This is what true love is about."

I am a teenager and I don't know the definition. I shouldn't have to. This boy I used to know, although we never talk anymore, said to me something that I will never forget. 
"I think you're wrong about us being young. I think that young people have the best minds. Old people may be smarter and well educated but a new set of eyes will always think of things that scholars and the wisest old people in the world will never understand."

Love is saying all the wrong things at all the wrong moments. It's spilling your feelings at 4am when you should be asleep. It's being honest when it hurts. Love isn't a routine, isn't easy. It's singing at the top of your lungs. Even when you are at your lowest point, they still appreciate you, understand and are there. 
Love doesn't need to be glorified. It's not like any story you have ever read. It's your own personal experience, depending on the person that you are in love with. Love is a process in which you fall in love with them, it isn't a switch - that is why it is called falling. It doesn't have to be the most poetic shit, that they will love you endlessly and completely. You should do that yourself. Love yourself first. You are a full person, not a person that is looking to be completed. Because if that person leaves, decides that you are an expiry date. If one day they decide that they don't need you anymore, then what are you going to do? We accept the love we think we deserve. 

I don't think that you can love someone until you have seen every aspect of them. Until you have seen them when they have only had three hours of sleep because they were out late last night, and are snappy at you for no reason, or when they are breaking to the point of sadness. You only love someone when you can accept the good and bad parts of them, and you still choose them. I don't think you can love someone until you go through a lot of difficult things with them and still try to make it work. Because you love them enough to. When you experience new things with them.

Everyone's experience of love is different, but it's easily the best and worst feeling you will ever experience.

Be honest about how you feel about people while you're alive.

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only with what you are expecting to give — which is everything.”

"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."

from indy x

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

I am | You are

Do you ever get that feeling? That feeling that hits you when you are alone, bare faced and quiet. Lying in your room, in the warmth of your bed and your heart suddenly lurches. It's like you are trying to find what you are looking for? But you don't know what it is? Or this overwhelming cloudy sad fog that suffocates your thoughts and makes it hard to breathe? That you have so much to deal with right now that no one will understand, so you have to put on a brave face and swallow the urge to scream?

People everywhere breeze past me when I am trying to do something right and they make it look so easy. What is right and wrong?

I am the sludgy feeling you have when you first wake up and rub your eyes, full of fresh sleep and haziness.
I am the bark that crunches between your toes with discomfort as you try and reach the playground without getting any sharp little bits between your toes.
I am the calluses on your palms when you are swinging on the monkey bars and your hands sting so much, you can barely cling to the bars.
I am that cold, sticky embrace when your jeans cling to your sodden body, fresh from getting out of the water.
I am that extra ray of sunlight that gets into your eyes that just want to shut out and shield.
I am the crumbs on your bed that keep you tossing and turning at night.
The rain that comes before a shower, just a light whisper that lets you know the weather will not be pleasant.
I am the insomnia of those sleepless nights, the harsh words that slipped off your tongue that took everything too far, that were never meant to be said.
I am the ulcer on the tip of your tongue & the scalding of too hot - hot chocolate on your tongue that left it burnt and sore.
I am those displeasing moments, those words never said but were desperately needed too.
I am many things, different comparisons. I am different each day; I have mood swings. I suck at small talk, as I want to talk about the many galaxies roaming about in my head. I falter in my step and a pang of insecurity shadows me.

But after my sulking days, those hated hours, times when I get something wrong I know someday I will be able to figure it out. I know that I will be able to be thankful for the things that I have, to value the life changing people to grace my life. I will be able to learn and to prosper and listen.

Now, I am talking to you. Not just myself. You are not a failure.
 I know that for me personally, I am eager to please and to help others, desperate to prove and justify myself. I do many things wrong, I give up and I don't always try again. But my heart is in the right place. Under everything I am, I want to try my best and do things right.

I know that under the huge spurs of the moments that get you in trouble, or whatever people say about you physically or mentally - you have a caring soul that reaches out to help others and you yearn to get things right and just to understand what this is all about. You need to breathe and understand that everything that is worth it, takes time. After a lot of struggle you are going to turn out fine and do well with your life.

I see and hear this everyday. People I know; my closest friends, strangers, girls and guys at school. Insecurity. Not feeling good enough. The real question is, who do you have to be good enough for?
You have to be good enough for yourself.

This is a bit of a text I sent to one of my best friends.

You realise that you are the only person that can make yourself feel better and get yourself into a better mindset. Your body is the house you grew up in, why try burn it to the ground? There is nothing that I can say to make you feel better about yourself. The way you see yourself is very different to how I see you. I guess you don't see how happy your prescence makes me, or when you wrote me that note and my heart literally fell onto that paper. You're you, you don't have to be amazing all the time. You are the only person that can make yourself feel better and comparing yourself to other people and thinking that you wish you were someone else; prettier, smarter, skinnier, taller, or whatever you feel is not going to help you. You can't change your body, it is just a case and a shell of your inner soul and I think that you're wonderful. who do you have to be? No one but you. And if someone rejects you, it's just their failure to see the things you have in looks and personality to offer. It's up to you.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Indy x