Sunday, 15 December 2013

Exclusion | Finding Yourself

I haven't updated in a while. I've had a lot on my mind in these past couple of weeks, waiting for the drone out of school to fade away so that I could enjoy the bliss of the summer and the warmth on my back. Things have been chopping and changing, smells and feelings, colours and company. The-coming-of-age is back on my mind. The age where you start to become aware of your surroundings and the way you have to dress without being judged, to get invited to all the drop kick parties that you thought you should be at. Where you start to do things and buy things with money you don't have to impress people you don't like. School, unlike when you were 9 and could invent flames through the colourless day are now gone.

One of the harshest things in the days of becoming an age where you are trying to find your true self, becoming a monarch butterfly that is awkwardly trying to fit into its new pair of wings. Exclusion. This is one of the cruellest things to have to face alone. The people you thought were your friends can suddenly start to exclude you from their plans, parties, and life as you know it. Just because of one minor detail; your race, something stupid you didn't mean to do ~ the list goes on. People out of the blue, people you didn't even expect knew you, can suddenly decide to not like you because of your characteristics. People aren't checklists. You can't design a friend or try and get them to be exactly the way you want them to be. It's hard to accept that you're different from the rest of them. Why be the follower when you obviously know that you can do something different, you can find yourself and express your true colours.

Don't you ever dare hide who you are. However hard, and painful this may be you will be okay. It's easier said than done - but however many years, months, or days it strives to find yourself, or just feel like you are finally fititng in, there is no point lying to yourself and others about what you are truly like. Find the weird people that you can be yourself around. That's one of the most important things. I am so blessed to have the loving people in my life that I can truly lay my feelings and problems and weird little quirks on. Keziah, Coco, Livy, Helena, MILLY, Ems, Ella. And all the others in my life. I strive to be who I am, and I would rather be hated for someone I am then loved for someone I Am Not.