Sunday, 27 July 2014

What is Love?

Love. The biggest and scariest emotion in the whole entire world. A society built around the simplest of emotion. We live for it, we breathe it. It's the most powerful emotion, over everything. It's sung about, written about, people die for it, it surrounds our world and courses through our veins as humans. But what is it? I've been asked this many times. What is love? How do you know when you're in love? Is there any particular feeling? When do you know that you are in love?

Love isn't something you can define. It isn't a perfectly worded answer in the dictionary, scripted to make you understand what the meaning is - in completion. 
Everyone's definition or understanding of this feeling is completely different. 

I asked one of my friends what they thought love was, and this was the answer I got. "Love is something that takes you by surprise. It's not something you can make yourself feel. Love is something that makes you feel an indescribable feeling. It's not like loving chocolates or loving a dress. You only love that temporarily. It brings everlasting joy."

And this is my definition.

I don't actually believe that love is that deep. I think that it's a simple emotion, a very beautiful and selfless one. I think that it's the humans and the circumstances that make this emotion complicated, prejudiced and difficult. I'm not a human that is going to glorify love. Every book or movie I have watched portrays the same acceptance speech of love, that it is endless and that they love everything about that person. But that's not real.

Real love is work. After being with someone for the longest of times, you start to catch their flaws. It's work, and it's hard. Love to me isn't always talking every day or them accepting you. They are parts of it, but love isn't a choice. It's when you're yelling at the tops of your lungs and they yell back at you to remind you of who you are, and that you aren't always right. It's the electric-ness you feel when you see their eyes light up when they are talking about what makes them happy, their passion. Listening to stupid theories of the universe, or mindless banter. 

"A realistic relationship is when two people, accept each other's past, support each other's present, and love each other enough to encourage each other's future. So don't rush love. Find a partner who encourages you to grow, who won't cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back. This is what true love is about."

I am a teenager and I don't know the definition. I shouldn't have to. This boy I used to know, although we never talk anymore, said to me something that I will never forget. 
"I think you're wrong about us being young. I think that young people have the best minds. Old people may be smarter and well educated but a new set of eyes will always think of things that scholars and the wisest old people in the world will never understand."

Love is saying all the wrong things at all the wrong moments. It's spilling your feelings at 4am when you should be asleep. It's being honest when it hurts. Love isn't a routine, isn't easy. It's singing at the top of your lungs. Even when you are at your lowest point, they still appreciate you, understand and are there. 
Love doesn't need to be glorified. It's not like any story you have ever read. It's your own personal experience, depending on the person that you are in love with. Love is a process in which you fall in love with them, it isn't a switch - that is why it is called falling. It doesn't have to be the most poetic shit, that they will love you endlessly and completely. You should do that yourself. Love yourself first. You are a full person, not a person that is looking to be completed. Because if that person leaves, decides that you are an expiry date. If one day they decide that they don't need you anymore, then what are you going to do? We accept the love we think we deserve. 

I don't think that you can love someone until you have seen every aspect of them. Until you have seen them when they have only had three hours of sleep because they were out late last night, and are snappy at you for no reason, or when they are breaking to the point of sadness. You only love someone when you can accept the good and bad parts of them, and you still choose them. I don't think you can love someone until you go through a lot of difficult things with them and still try to make it work. Because you love them enough to. When you experience new things with them.

Everyone's experience of love is different, but it's easily the best and worst feeling you will ever experience.

Be honest about how you feel about people while you're alive.

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only with what you are expecting to give — which is everything.”

"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."

from indy x

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

I am | You are

Do you ever get that feeling? That feeling that hits you when you are alone, bare faced and quiet. Lying in your room, in the warmth of your bed and your heart suddenly lurches. It's like you are trying to find what you are looking for? But you don't know what it is? Or this overwhelming cloudy sad fog that suffocates your thoughts and makes it hard to breathe? That you have so much to deal with right now that no one will understand, so you have to put on a brave face and swallow the urge to scream?

People everywhere breeze past me when I am trying to do something right and they make it look so easy. What is right and wrong?

I am the sludgy feeling you have when you first wake up and rub your eyes, full of fresh sleep and haziness.
I am the bark that crunches between your toes with discomfort as you try and reach the playground without getting any sharp little bits between your toes.
I am the calluses on your palms when you are swinging on the monkey bars and your hands sting so much, you can barely cling to the bars.
I am that cold, sticky embrace when your jeans cling to your sodden body, fresh from getting out of the water.
I am that extra ray of sunlight that gets into your eyes that just want to shut out and shield.
I am the crumbs on your bed that keep you tossing and turning at night.
The rain that comes before a shower, just a light whisper that lets you know the weather will not be pleasant.
I am the insomnia of those sleepless nights, the harsh words that slipped off your tongue that took everything too far, that were never meant to be said.
I am the ulcer on the tip of your tongue & the scalding of too hot - hot chocolate on your tongue that left it burnt and sore.
I am those displeasing moments, those words never said but were desperately needed too.
I am many things, different comparisons. I am different each day; I have mood swings. I suck at small talk, as I want to talk about the many galaxies roaming about in my head. I falter in my step and a pang of insecurity shadows me.

But after my sulking days, those hated hours, times when I get something wrong I know someday I will be able to figure it out. I know that I will be able to be thankful for the things that I have, to value the life changing people to grace my life. I will be able to learn and to prosper and listen.

Now, I am talking to you. Not just myself. You are not a failure.
 I know that for me personally, I am eager to please and to help others, desperate to prove and justify myself. I do many things wrong, I give up and I don't always try again. But my heart is in the right place. Under everything I am, I want to try my best and do things right.

I know that under the huge spurs of the moments that get you in trouble, or whatever people say about you physically or mentally - you have a caring soul that reaches out to help others and you yearn to get things right and just to understand what this is all about. You need to breathe and understand that everything that is worth it, takes time. After a lot of struggle you are going to turn out fine and do well with your life.

I see and hear this everyday. People I know; my closest friends, strangers, girls and guys at school. Insecurity. Not feeling good enough. The real question is, who do you have to be good enough for?
You have to be good enough for yourself.

This is a bit of a text I sent to one of my best friends.

You realise that you are the only person that can make yourself feel better and get yourself into a better mindset. Your body is the house you grew up in, why try burn it to the ground? There is nothing that I can say to make you feel better about yourself. The way you see yourself is very different to how I see you. I guess you don't see how happy your prescence makes me, or when you wrote me that note and my heart literally fell onto that paper. You're you, you don't have to be amazing all the time. You are the only person that can make yourself feel better and comparing yourself to other people and thinking that you wish you were someone else; prettier, smarter, skinnier, taller, or whatever you feel is not going to help you. You can't change your body, it is just a case and a shell of your inner soul and I think that you're wonderful. who do you have to be? No one but you. And if someone rejects you, it's just their failure to see the things you have in looks and personality to offer. It's up to you.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Indy x

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Not Everyone is Beautiful

Beautiful. Pleasing the mind or senses aesthetically. Attractive. Pretty. Good-looking. Pleasing. These synonyms all portray the same thing. They all have the same meaning. Beautiful is classed as someone that is physically flawless. But is it? Is it really skin deep, or is it so much more?

This word, beautiful, is thrown around in the chaotic nest of words that every language swallows up. Everyone is classed as beautiful, no matter what you look like, no matter your character traits. We, as humans all share something in common. We are all beautiful. That is what is drummed into our heads on a daily basis, as a form of positivity. But in reality - people must not be thinking straight.

Being beautiful has become a task. If you're not skinny enough, have the right clothing or hairstyle, keeping up to date with the latest trends. This isn't the truth. Socially inept; inbred - is the reality. Yet, you don't even know the person you are judging on looks. We say that every human is beautiful, no matter who they are. But we are all lying to ourselves. Society decides on what your looks class you in. If you aren't physically appealing, or you are ugly - then you are shunned. Shunned from a partner that is 'out of your league,' maybe even from a job that you have worked so hard for - because lets just put it nicely, your looks didn't fit the quota.

Physical appearance has become so important that we have lost what really counts, our souls. The inside of our minds are crammed full with wordly logic, experiences, and wonders of how we see the world. Our bodies or outside forms are merely a shell to our inner beauty.

The word beautiful, is a nasty one. Every person in this life desires to be accepted. Maybe even to just fit in, to be liked and not lonely. But do we as humans, not have the capacity - or the ability to come up with a word that not everybody is so easily categorised in, as being beautiful?

I understand that calling people beautiful is trying to send off a positive message, a message of equality to basically all of the human race, but do we dig a little deeper? Do we take the time to get to know someone a little bit more instead of just categorising their whole existence into one word - beautiful? I want to be able to look at a person and think, they are kind, balanced, smart, important, vivacious, intellectual. Everybody has worth, talent, potential. They deserve to shine. Not everybody needs to fit the quota, that everybody is beautiful. Because every single person has their own little universe inside their head, that contributes to making the world a unique and entrancing place.

Not everybody is beautiful. Everybody is valuable, worthy, important.

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

The Importance of Change - Cam

I used to be in love with blogging. Everything I did, wherever I went - I wanted people to know and to read the wonders that I saw that flourished in my daily life. But things change. People change - we aren't inanimate.We are full of life, breath, fluorescence and potential.

I, personally have been through some HUGE changes this past year. A new workload at school, jobs, friend groups and boys! Everything in my life is so different to how I would have imagined it, but the thing is that I couldn't ask for anything so amazing. I am so in love with every aspect of my life, and yes I do some crazy and stupid things - but it is to feel free. I pour so much into my relationships with people, my schoolwork and my passions. You have to find what you want to do in life, whether it be a passion or an interest or anything, because if you are stuck doing with something you hate for your whole life time, a little part of you dies inside.

I know that it is scary understanding that how well we do as a teenager will determine our futures as adults. But I promise you, something big is coming. You are the ONLY person that has the ability to physically and mentally change your life. Grow opportunities, fall in love with people, make mistakes, and do things you know you are going to regret, because you are going to regret not doing them. I've lost my blogging voice, and I guess with everything going on - I am required to go have a day of me time. Treating myself to a beautiful lunch, shopping, smiling, my favourite music, anything I want. Because I deserve it. And so do you! You, reader, deserve to be happy. I know that you might feel like things aren't going the right way for you at this certain moment of time but this is just life testing you. In order to get to where you want to go, you have to do the hard yards, and there will be days, where you feel like giving up. I know that. But you have to remember, if you are feeling undermined of your talents - that people throw rocks at things that shine.

Something big is coming. that feeling of being alive, when you just light up and you realise that there is so much in this life that is out there. life doesn't start when you feel this moment, it starts when you are born.

Its your life, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for living it your way.

Go live it.

' The only people I owe my loyalty to are those who never made me question theirs'

Indy. x

Sunday, 18 May 2014

Advice #1

Hi lovelies, it's been a while ~ how are you? 

So after a long time of not doing any blog posts, I decided to do a little email competition where you send in an email and I will pick one out of about 200 and reply to it, and focus my blog post on that. I have changed the names in the emails and the town, for safety reasons.

email sent to me on the 6th of May -

Hello Indy,

I think I understand what you meant before, my bad. Lately I feel extremely afraid of what will happen in the future. I'm afraid things won't play out the way I want them to. I can only hope I'll live my life to the fullest I guess. I'm from a small town in *Neverland*, and I can't wait to leave. But what if that never happens? There aren't any opportunities here. It's all poverty and many people I know are on drugs. I guess what I'm wondering is: Do you have any advice for someone who is afraid things are not going to work out?

Thanks, J....

Hey J,

My font is a bit messed up – so I will apologize about that. This email particularly spoke up to me because of I can picture you writing this, faced with all these teenage challenges, that other people are glorifying and saying that ‘it will be okay’. I hate that sugar coat bullshit. When I go to someone for advice, I really don’t want to be told something I already know. Lets just say you’re 16? You feel like you have your whole life mapped out in front of you, and you don’t know what to do. I know how it feels for people to have these expectations of you. But the crazy thing is that, realistically – you can do anything you please. Shave your head, get a tattoo, get the highest in the class, maybe even honor roll, catch a plane to Australia. I don’t know what, but I know that everything is out there waiting for you. Life doesn’t start when you leave school, get your own apartment, get your first proper job. It started the day you first entered the world, the first time you looked around and realized you were understood, the time you got your first kiss, stayed out til 4am basking in the stomach-flipping feeling of being a rebellious teenager. You’re afraid things aren’t going to work out, yet you can’t know if you don’t try. If you want something badly enough, and you do the best you can do at school, and you treat people with kindness, do a good deed a day, or give something back to the world when you have had the shittiest day, you will get there.

“Believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Have faith in your own abilities, work hard, and there is nothing you cannot accomplish.”

“Don't let fear or insecurity stop you from trying new things. Believe in yourself. Do what you love. And most importantly, be kind to others, even if you don't like them.”

In the wise words of Russell Brand,

“It's difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you.”

Lots of love – starting with believing in yourself, I believe in you.


Sunday, 4 May 2014

The World of People

The city is a glorious place in the morning. I know this because during my school holidays I have been working in Newmarket.

The boy that has limped over to sit next to me at the ferry terminal has left me two seats out of courtesy, enough to not destroy the polite stranger bubble. He has one strong leg and another that has been bitten away by cancer, leaving him with the a leg the width of an arm. Young kids bustle down the hallways, with their screams to get to the wind up plastic car that you pay to control, in their small minds is freedom. They don't know the meaning of politeness as their playful screams bounce off the walls and one man jolts upright as the echoes reach his ear.

I see the beauty that seeps between the cracks of the walls. A couple heartily embrace and then rush off to separate jobs, blowing kisses in the crisp air.

Waiting for the bus, gives me time to decipher my worldly atmosphere all around me.

Csl automotive, a mechanics garage is rolled open by a large man bursting out of his overalls. He has a small brush of balding hair across his thick head. I like the interestingness of the way people behave, or their carefully picked out items of clothing.

There is a vivacious cross-dresser on my bus, complete with purple hair and a pink attire.

A man in a pinstriped suit, sprints like a child foolishly running in a running race, for his ferry - he can't miss it or he will be late for his pinstriped job.

I'm crossing a bridge on the bus, and there are lightbulbs scattered along the bridge, the springs sticking out and glass smashed on the road.

It's hard to believe that everyone on this bus, has a screaming mind and a body filled with life.

I love you and I'll see you soon. 
Indy x

Wednesday, 9 April 2014


During the course of your life, you meet endless amounts of people. Humans come and go, they leave footprints in your heart, the ones that truly matter. Just because someone leaves doesn't mean that you didn't love them, or that your friendship wasn't real. It's just the fact that people change, and circumstances make it that they aren't a part of your life anymore, and thats okay.

There are only a couple of people in this lifetime, that you meet and after a while, you can depend on them for anything. They know you inside out, accept you. Friends give us the courage to lift the blinds off our hearts. To open up and show what we generally keep hidden from the rest of the world.

There's this one girl that I know. Her name is Livy. You guys might have heard of her before. She's a person that I would like to talk about at this moment. If you don't know her, here are some facts about her.

Livy's the type of person that has a song on her mind. She can pick up a guitar or sit herself down at a piano and it's baffling because she can play anything and make it sound good. Livy's seen me at my best and my worst, and my weirdest. She's the most genuine person I've met in a lifetime. It doesn't necessarily mean she is the closest, or my most favourite person in the world - because to be frank, I don't have one. But our friendship doesn't have to be measured. She's a person that I can rely on, or to just have a heart-to-heart with. She's brave, balanced and kind. There's something about her presence that never makes me feel tired, and when I'm over everything and want to be alone, I can be alone with her.

If you know me, you'll know that, I, Indy, HATE explaining things. I don't feel the need to justify my actions every second of the day, because trust me when i say I do that a lot. Livy knows when to give me space, or when to give me love and understanding. She doesn't try to shove advice down my throat, but lets me paint the melancholy feelings of my words and my worlds, so that she too can understand the way my starry eyes comprehend.

You probably don't understand why I am rambling about a particular girl. But it baffles me, that the world walks past her and doesn't stop to get a second glance. I truly believe that she has every quality that somebody should have. I know we all have flaws, after all every single one of us are human. I don't believe in the idea of perfection. But I do believe that after everything I've done, or said, or felt, my sponge can just soak it in for me and squeeze it out so that I can breathe. She does that.

She is the bravest person I know. She doesn't ever make a drama, and she sheds tears a lot because she has a heart that loves when there isn't love to be had. Sometimes I worry that she gives so much love away, that she never has any love for herself.

Liv has this way with you. She's gentle and yet so fiery with her friendships, she fiercely loves and never expects to be noticed with her actions or when she does something for something else. She never says, what is in it for me? What do I get out of this? She's like a breath of fresh air. People's opinions don't matter to her, but then again she doesn't want someone to think she is a bad person.

One of my favourite things about this chica is that theres never a dull day with her. Dress down, dress up, go out, stay at home. Everything is always new and different, and relaxing. She's the type of person you want your kid to be, you want your best friend to be, your sister, your mother, or your partner. She has the whole package.

Livy, looks past at the things that I do, and the mistakes I make with a loving heart. She never forces me to do something that would hurt me. She always knows how to approach things and how to be something, or how to do something I didn't know. Her laugh is contagious and she has the best sense of mind.

I just wanted to acknowledge her goodness in the world, and even though she is only one person, I truly think that she could change the world in a heartbeat. She makes me feel like a somebody. She makes me feel and see the good parts about myself. She's been through a lot and she's been there for and with me. Thank you, my angel.

This is her, by the way.

One thing I can say, is that NEVER treat people like Livy, badly - intentionally. Hurting someone, that has only ever loved you, shows more of the person that you are, then they are. Your actions speak louder than words, and they might forget the words you spoke to them out of spite, but they will NEVER forget the way you made them feel.

Positive thoughts,
Indy x x x